Dear friend, recently I have been thinking about the lessons I’ve learned so far. I’ve had so many painful, but valuable lessons. I want to share them with you. You might find them both entertaining and useful. If so, my lessons will have served a double purpose. They started out as beliefs of the unconfindent girl and grew into something bigger. Here is what I mean by it. Early in my twenties I was naive, motivated and yet not confident as a young woman. I was obsessed with making the uncertain future certain. I was sure that my main goal in life is to allow happiness to come in and avoid pain at all costs. If I am really good, I will succeed to live happily ever after. Boy, was I wrong about this. Thank you universe, I was wrong about this. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, my biggest life lessons:
Life is half negative emotion, half positive emotion. I know, I know… this really sucks to hear, but it's actually great news. It’s the sour moments in life that make us truly appreciate the happy moments. Without the loss we cannot feel the joy of gain. It’s the contrast of events that gives us a full human experience. You and I both tried to make life 100% positive experience. We all do. It’s a recipe for continuous disappointment that leads to losing hope on having it all figured out. Dear friend, next time you feel down, take the lesson and know half of the time we will feel positive emotion and the other half is for negative emotion.
Don’t avoid failure, instead focus on learning how to deal with it. I can say with 100% confidence that I spent all of my twenties building barricades to avoid failure, pain and disappointment. I can also say with 100% confidence that I have since experienced all of the above many times over. What did I do wrong? I focused on preventing instead of embracing that failure is part of life. It’s not even a question whether or not we will experience failure. The question is when it happens what are we going to do? Are we going to spend the rest of what is left dwelling on it? I say not. Dear friend, claim your lesson as soon as you get back up and come with a plan for next time.
Friendships need to be managed. I went from expecting people to read my mind to not needing people to not relying on anyone else. I have since learned that the middle ground is where it feels best. To do that I needed to learn to speak my truth, make asks, come from a place of love and befriend boundaries. These 4 are always with me in my cheat-sheet. If I am upset, chances are I am failing to honor one of them. Dear friend, if you have not managed your relationships yet, start by setting loving boundaries before you find yourself stretched too thin and in a hoard of unhealthy friendships.
Lastly, there is not a single thing or person who can make us feel confident. At first I thought it had to be the relationship. When that happened, confidence didn’t show up. Then I expected motherhood to give me confidence. Confidence was a no show again. Finally, I knew money was the answer. When I make my first 100K, then I would feel it. You guessed it right. Money had nothing to do with it. Dear friend, your confident self is waiting for you to claim it. Think back to your most proud moment and remember how you’ve felt in great detail. Remember what you thought and said, how it felt, where you were and your surroundings… You will feel a wave of emotion overcome you. THAT is how you bring out the confidence.
Your Now Confident Girl